Earlier I watched Eat, Pray, Love, which turned out I think to be an appropriate movie for the day. We've of course already been celebrating the new year with watching the ball drop, Mom put out her homemade cheese ball and crackers, which is the only thing I've craved today, and in our gorgeous slim glasses we toasted the new year with our traditional non alcoholic sparkling grape juice cocktail, I think where most people have a special night of chocolates and wine I'd do one of sparkling grape juice and cheese ball platter, though I wouldn't say no to some chocolate too. Right now I'm watching the Rose Parade while attempting to keep warm in this freeze.
But let's get quite serious about this time of newness. It makes me think I of this little tangerine seed I have on my desk from the slices I ate the other night, full of potential and growth. If one cultivates it right that is. But yes right now we have a feeling of so much potential and promise, but only if we actually take time to plant and nourish our hopes and wishes will I guess any of them bare fruit.
Back at Christmas when we were visiting my Mamaw for gift exchange she was talking about she thought the cashier was flirting with me and asked if I had noticed (I hadn't cause I was concentrating on trying to get her stuff paid for at the time). At some point in the conversation she said something along the lines how she didn't want my life to be empty. For her it was more dealing with the fact she wished for me to find someone, bless her she worries about me, but I assured her my life wasn't empty. Even if I never find myself in a relationship I have friends and I think I mentioned my poetry, which the latter comes and goes sometimes, but the point is I have things in my life, but it is what she said that has played in my mind not to be empty. In the glow of the New Year's hopes and intentions I think that would be something to strive for not to be empty. As I have mentioned before I have anxiety, depression, and OCD. When I'm not consumed in anger, sadness, fear I find myself in a state of emptiness and being a zombie many times. It's a horrible feeling, maybe not as bad as the previously mentioned three, but it's still hard. I've even had moments where even life around me feels empty. I'd like to reach a point where I have less of that, as much as is in my power. Of course I should remember God's power is in my life, and if it's His will I shall prevail. Maybe 2018 will have me living more fully. Be full of hope and potential as that tangerine seed. Live a life of wonder and being content in my state. It's a nice hope to have, I don't call it a resolution, cause I don't do resolutions. It's a what it is, a hope, maybe I'll succeed maybe I won't, what will happen will happen.
Other seeds of hopes and wishes is to be a better writer with this blog. Since coming to the new space I feel I've not done a good job of posting. I'd love to get to a once a week at least like I use to do, maybe even twice a week off and on at some point. I want to hone my writing ability try to see if I can become better. With my poetry try to send off more this year, and hopefully write more, and not fret over a completed collection, when one's ready it'll be ready for the next stage, but not before time.
I think I may put this seed in this little blue bottle I have to remind me to live more fully. What seeds are you planting in the soil of newness this year my friends? I hope and pray you all have and amazing New Year my friends. God bless you!
Ninja <[0000]---------------[0000]> Writer
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