Monthly Randoms: Where I'm back From Oblivion and Playing Catch Up

 Hello Friends, 

I know what you're thinking: Where has she been? Or probably not. Probably didn't notice. It's okay I get overlooked frequently. Well according to this it's been right at six months since I posted, my bad. So I decided to start off with a Monthly Randoms that'll cover things for the last six months. So sit back, this one might take a minute...

Why Radio Silence?

So where I have I been? For those who have been here a bit once more the Mental Health Hydra B---- has been making a mess of things. Yes she's earned her B. Why have I decided to make her a female, cause she's frequently PMSing and she's been mucking things up the last few months. So one thing that has been getting worse thanks to her is my ability to focus and sit still. I've been wanting to make posts on things for the last few months, but motivating myself to write a blog post and focus long enough to do it... yeah... Not easy.  See I have anxiety which can cause being unfocused and fidgety, or on the rare occasion it's my Bipolar 2. Well it has been getting so bad lately that my therapist wondered if I had ADD/ADHD. So she gave me the assessment quiz for ADHD and from that she's like well it's looking like it's just this part of anxiety getting worse. Well a couple sessions later I was bemoaning my seemingly worsening state of focus and staying put and she's like "Oh is it you ADD?" and I'm like "You said I didn't have it." to which she replied "That's the problem with these things it's hard to tell." Though in out recent sessions she's pretty sure I do, but she wanted to get my Medication Psychologist to take a look and see if it was. I've had two sessions with him and we haven't breached that yet, I actually don't even wanna mention those sessions, I don't even discuss my Medication Psychologist drama for the last two to three years, it's that frustrating. 

In the summer things I felt were good mental health wise, then September came and with the dip of temps my mood. Christmas day wasn't actually bad this year, leading up to it little rough I mean there was the usual holiday stress induced breakdown, a few holiday related anxiety stuff that's bothered me the last few years that my therapist and the Captain finally helped me overcome, plus my TV blew leaving me with no TV now, and the sudden urge to redo my room a week or so before Christmas, which I still haven't finished, boxes are still everywhere in here. Then there was the fact my lack of motivation left me not making a gift for Jesus's birthday as I usually do every year and not wrapping Pop and mine's gifts till early Christmas morning, plus my sleep suffered all the week of Christmas but other than that I actually enjoyed Christmas. The day after my sister and her partner came up and spent the day with us and exchanged gifts, first time in two years we got to have a holiday visit. After that Sunday I assumed like usual after Christmas that week leading up to New Year's Eve would be one full of rest and settling back into normalcy... heh. Sleep apparently got peeved at me and decided to leave me. I started sleeping three hours then I'd wake up and couldn't go back to sleep so get up crash a few hours for another three hour sleep and that's the way it was all through January. The was two days where I'd get six hours in one go and one night of broken sleep, but not enough to make me feel better. My mental health was taking hit from this, plus add in this bitter cold we've been having... the Intrusive Thoughts have been partying. Well last couple days of January I've managed to get some decent sleep finally. Day before yesterday I actually woke up refreshed thought I was gonna get some writing done on my book, which I don't think I've worked on the actual book since Summer, but my anxiety bothered me a bit, and then I crashed for a couple hours, woke up and still bothered me and then I crashed till 1 am yesterday morning, then fell back asleep around noon or 1 pm till 4 pmish. So good I can sleep, but I'm hoping I'm not shifting from the unable to sleep portion of anxiety to the doing nothing but portion of it. 

So yeah that's my issues and how it's fracked in a nutshell. How about we move onto some more fun topics. That good with you guys? Good!

Pumpkin Festival 2021

After a year off due to Covid she was back bigger and better than ever... Quite literally she had the largest population attendance she's ever had, which we, Fangirl and I, as seasoned attendees felt as we safely tried to enjoy ourselves. We didn't get big with our costumes. Like we usually put a year long thought into our costumes, but last year we didn't learn till like halfway through the year I think that the festival was still on, plus Fangirl had medical issues that we didn't know what would come of that. So we decided to just have a chill year at the festival. I rewore my 2019 11th Doctor costume:

 Well Fangirl wore her medieval outfit she wears for her demonstration group at Ren Faires:

We saw a few cool characters around the festival like Angel Ponies and Batman and his Batmobile:

 

 

Fangirl and I usually compete in the costume contest, but do to our lax approach to costumes and the fact Fangirl is unable to stand in the long lines, which was difficult before her even before getting hit with her current medical issue, we just sat and watched from the porch of the Crabtree General Store while playing Pokemon Go. 

Seeing Econut 

 

After the festival we went to see Econut at her job as we always do. Hugging her up was a moment, that's all I can say. It'd been two years almost since I'd last seen my sister in person, it made me so happy to finally give her something as simple as a hug. Didn't want the visit to end even when her quitting time came, so her partner and her invited us back to their place for pizza. I was excited to learn they'd begun watching Supernatural, they'd made it to season four. We talked that a bit, caught up, and exchanged two year worth of gifts. It was a great end to a good day.

Of course it made it even better when the next day her partner texted me saying they had met Chuck and if we could trust him... Well of course I had to lie not spoiling that for them. I still hate myself for ruining Harry Potter for my sibling, not doing that again. They finished the series a few weeks ago. It's been fun seeing where they get to, slowly making fandom posts on Facebook, and both of them texting me lines and parts their at, and the inevitable disgruntlement over the series finale. I'm so proud.

 

Now to our usual sections in these posts. Sadly very poor job of saving things to post here for the last few months, so I'll share what little I have.

 

Favs On My Socials

 

Ok let's share the few things I've faved or the like on my socials:

 

1. I loved this pin on Pinterest involving a Black Panther actress and how it's not too late to go for your dreams. Is this actually true she'd started acting at 88?  

2. I love this Instagram post from The Good Advice Cupcake. It's a great reminder we're all beautiful. I love this Cupcake, she's making me smile. I first discovered through Perpetual Kid, and I'd like that product.

What Am I Jamming To?

At one point I was jamming to Five Days North's- Heaven Hold Us I first heard the song on Becca and The Books blog post. An awesome booktuber you should check her out.

 

Domino bu Jessie J which I found looking for the cover the group Venice did of it that I found watching this Supernatural video. Before you click be warned it is Cockles themed, so if no like no watch, but if you like that be it as a friendship or you ship it, then enjoy.

 

Also jamming to songs from Taylor's version of Red and Fearless. 

Things I Want

I want this beautiful set of Maya Angelou's entire works from Juniper Books. I love they come together to form the picture on the spines. I'd get the blue and red set. I'd really like her complete works, cause I only have her cook book and this collection of four of her poems in a book called Phenomenal Woman, and she was, I gotta say it, a phenomenal woman. I also want quarter which was release last month! I'll have to keep my eyes peeled!

 

Halloween last year Michael's had a nice Moon Phases piece that I would have totally hung on my wall, that's right I'm one of those people who utilize Halloween and Christmas decor year round. It's sadly no longer on the website, but you can view it in this Old Fashion Halloween post. Maybe I'll encounter it on a thrift store run.

 

 Ok, finally done! Ya'll I'm telling you my focus is shot. I use to be able to write post with in a couple hours this took me 24 hours or more. I hope we can do something, cause I feel like I use to be a multitasking master, now nope... Well happy 2/2/22 hope twoday is good, see what I did there, it's also middle of the week so there's a plus. I'll be back soon. I have a couple posts planned for the next few days. So here's hoping I will be starting to post regularly again. Good day, much love, and God bless.

*Thrifty Geek* and Vampire >vv< Kitty 

Monthly Randoms May 2021: Mental Health, life events, and Tornadoes

Hello my Friends,
I'm so sorry for the radio silence. I've been wanting to start getting back into writing on this blog, I have a back log of ideas to write, but the mental health hydra has been waving it's new head about. I was going through my second massive manic high that I've ever had that I know of. Like the first I was really happy, couldn't sit still long, and messed up my sleep. The first high in 2018 I would sleep 4 hours and be fine, but this time my body, which felt like was vibrating with energy, and my brain wouldn't settle, I could take a melatonin and it'd not have an effect, though we adjusted my dose and it seems to be working now. But at some point I hit like this weird in between state of manic high and maybe like regular anxiety. When I told my therapist that I was going through the manic high again, they upgraded me from just a mood imbalance to Bi Polar 2 . Since so many people are misdiagnosed with Bi Polar and in 2018 I'd only had that one major manic episode, though I think before that and since then I might have had some minor ones hard to tell if it was anxiety related or just creative juices getting me excited, cause if I get into creative mode I sometimes will stay up longer. But for a few days I got settled down sleep was back to normal, and just the regular amount of anxiety not letting me sit still long. But for a couple nights my sleep has been getting off again, and I hit a major inanity and depression yesterday that had me ugly crying, which has been a bit, and my anxiety is out of sorts and I'm really tired, but not sleepy tired. I fear I'm hitting the manic lows which I hope doesn't frell with my birthday coming up in a week. But all that not sitting still and focusing, plus trying to get back to book writing and just having my mind everywhere, and lack of want and being out of habit has got me off with writing this blog. I know I read somewhere offering explanations why you've not been posting is not really good, but this is my life. I have mental health problems, and I hope other people see this who maybe think their alone will see their not. It's a messy life that sometimes leaves you not posting on your blog for a month. Yes just looked my last post was the last Monthly Random. So with all that explanations out of the way let's get into the Monthly Random.

Events That Have or Will happen
 

Last month I forgot to mention my 4th Blogiversary, I started this blog in 2017. So yeah still limping along.

Next week as I've mentioned I'm leveling up, I saw that on Facebook refer to your birthday age as levels. Last year because we were three months into the pandemic I couldn't have my friend come over. I couldn't even tell you what we did last year. I live with my family thankfully so I wasn't alone, but it was weird not doing something for it. Usually my friend Fangirl takes me out for a few hours to do something cause while I have many family members just do cake and gifts and stay home, which I do the cakes and gift at my house, but I just feel a need to celebrate my life more. See I about didn't even make it into the world, I'll tell you the story in my birthday post, so I guess it's made me see the beauty of celebrating each year, plus I feel like it's my day. It's my one day out of the year I don't have to feel guilty about doing things the way I want. Well this year I'm not sure what's going to happen cause we can go out now, and I'll be vaccinated, but sadly Fangirl has been currently advised not to drive, cause she's got some unknown thing wrong with her and half her body is numb and they've yet to figure out what's wrong with her and I don't have my license, long story, so I can't pop in to see her, or go do something on my own to treat myself. When my folks brought it up the other day I hadn't really thought about my B-day and I was like, it'll probably be the same as last year not doing much cause Fangirl can't come, and my folks are home bodies, they only go out if they have to and also because we have a tank of a truck that takes a lot of gas, so going out has to be planned since were on a fixed income. But when birthday talk came up again, I pretty much said I won't be doing much since I can't go out and my Mother said Oh you'll be going out. So my folks have got something cooking, which has me actually intrigued about how they're going to make this special day, actually more special this year than I originally thought it'd be. 

Things I want
 

The Dream Keyboard-

Ok so last month I mentioned my dream keyboard. Well This Story Ain't Over has changed that. In a vlog of hers from February, I'm so behind on cleaning out my watch later YouTube Playlist. Well she got a new keyboard from Azio. I love this the classic typewriter look I love but back-lighting. If the rainbow backlit keyboard from last month could have a baby with this keyboard and it be an all black classic type keyboard with rainbow backlit, it'd be the perfect keyboard. If any of you comes across something like this let me know. 

Author's Dream Pen and Ink Set-
I have always wanted to have a fountain pen. Well a Facebook ad led me to discover Truphae Inc  that has lead me to my dream pen and ink set. I think if I ever got a book published and did signings I think it'd be fun if it was possible and I perfected my hand writing and learned how to use this pen to sign books in this way to add a bit of flair.
The pen is a Benu Scepter Fountain Pen. While blue is my favorite color, I found I loved this glaxayish colored pen the most, it's probably cause it reminds me of this galaxy ink pen with foil art and writing on it I saw in a dream and I'm bound and determined to find it's real world equivalent. This pen isn't it, but it gives me the same vibes.
And of course what is a pen without ink. My favorite on the site  is the Robert Oster Blue Black Ink it reminds me at the sky at night. I wish I could get one of the multi colored ones in colors similar to the colors of a sunset. That'd be perfect, but this is gorgeous too.
 

Favorite of the Deviantart Likes

My first is this piece called Tea with Owls by one of my favorite artists I follow Saimain. I love owls so this one got me all excited. I love this artist's work. I started following them back in college I think when they were showing off their art the made for what was going to be their novel. I also love their fan art especially the Doctor Who. When they had them I wanted to get a small print or card of their Time and Space piece. 

Then there's a new to me artists Lun-art who is doing some amazing fan art. I first saw their Crowley from Supernatural and they've done our favorite angel in the Garrison Castiel. They also have some Doctor Who as well with the Tenth Doctor! 

Check these artist other works out, you won't be disappointed they are amazing!

 

Favorite of My Instagram Saves 

My first offering is of the sisters of Junk G. I love their outfits especially Aime's. I love some of their outfits and products. Miss their show.

Next we have the Mistress of the Manners of the Gothic Charm school celebrating getting her vaccination in Gothy stye. 

 Random Things I've Found This Month

Tornados-

I recently watched this BasehuntersChasing video from a active day they had in 2011. I find Tornados fascinating, yet scary, meaning I probably won't be pulling a storm chaser if we get a rare one here in the backwoods (mountains can be very useful). I think the fascination started  in the 90's cause we had allot of Tornado movies on the big and small screen about the time I was in Middle School.

Russian Tea-

Next is this Southern Living article about Russian Tea. This is not traditional Russian Tea this is the tea that is now a Southern staple. It's the only way you can get we to drink ice tea type of teas. I know it's rare, but I'm a southerner who's not crazy about iced tea, bleh. Mom keeps a jar of the mix on the counter, and the recipe in her recipe box. The first article I saw on it's history was on Atlas Obscura.

And that closes another Monthly Random. I hope your week is good. I gotta get off here and reconstruct my entire book series' timeline and story notes and ideas document. I saved it last night and when I brought it up today when I went to work on my book outline, the page was blank. Thankfully some of it is in my physical notebook. So I can piece it back together hopefully. Writer struggles am I right? Well have a good night, God bless, and Love ya Geek Tribe!

*Thrifty Geek* 

Universe Messages

Happy Friday friends,

I've had time in my life where messages are sent pretty clear my way, be it God the universe, whatever you believe. There's just moments where it's clear the universe is sending you a message, generally something you need. 

 

One time I was sitting on my porch I guess I was feeling a little down about everything and a song I hadn't listened to, nor thought about in years, popped into my head. It was S Club 7's "Bring It All Back". I was singing it to myself and it filled me with hope. 

 

Another time I had Jordin Spark's "One Step At a Time" stuck in my head while I was out running errands with my Grandmother and to get it out of my head I actually started singing "Bring It All Back", well got it out of my head and we went to Food Lion and at some point out their speakers came
"One Step At a Time"when it hit me what I was listening to I'm like okay apparently the universe wants me really listen to this. It's a powerful message. If you have a Spotify account click on the link on the right that says Thrifty Geek's Jams Spotify Playlist and you'll find them on it if you want to.

Sometimes messages come in objects. I was standing near the stove and guess I got lost in thought, don't know if it was my usual mind wonderings or lost in sad thoughts, but I came back to reality and I noticed I'd been staring at this blue ceramic bird my Mom has up on the shelf above the stove that has the word "live" in black on the side. I just felt this feeling come over me saying hey important message here. Which I take to say really live your life.

Well here in the last few hours the universe decided it needed to throw me another message or two.

 I'm going to be frank been feeling pretty low my friends. Life has kicked me around one too many times. Everything is bad, and I'd pretty much determined I'm not meant to be happy in my life. I was just destined to be nothing since so many of my attempts at achieving my dreams or taking steps to making a better life failed. Well I was fiddling with my tablet and saw the Janet Chui Self-Love Oracle Cards App I have on there and decided let's just draw a card. The 3. You are worthy was what I got. Basically the gist of the card explanation is open myself up, feel my worth, and see all that I have in my life (Chui). I'm like crap the universe is calling me out! Then I was shuffling through my craft drawer and found a bad of clear glass pebbles and I found some I'd added two types of clear nail polish with metallic rainbow flecks on the back. Simply Nailogical would say "HOLO!" at this moment. Well it makes the whole pebble look like it has rainbow fleck in it. Even in my darkness I felt maybe a little my own sparkle come back. It just felt like the universe was once again was saying something.

So yeah lots of messages being dropped at me. What sort of messages have you been dropped in your life? Let me know in the comments. I hope you have a good weekend, smile, and God bless you!

*Thrifty Geek*

Waters of Anxiety

Hello friends,

Sorry for my absence again the mental health hydra has been raging and I've basically been lost in the fight against it. I hope to get back to posting, I have some book writ up to do for books I read last year, and just other post ideas I've had kicking around for months. 

Speaking of months it is poetry month and I decided since I'm already on the subject of my mental health I'd share a poem I recently wrote one morning when I was dying for sleep cause the lack of sleep I'd got the day before coupled with this nights lack of sleep was wrecking my anxiety, and family member who's a grumpy bear when they wake up kind snipped at me , so this lead to me breaking down in tears cause I was suffering, I felt like I was getting on my loved ones nerves, and just felt really lonely in that moment of pain. Now before you say it I know I'm not the only one who has this. I'm the fourth generation in my family one side to have problems as well as my sister, I have friends who have it, but you still can feel lonely especially when the usual supports kinda are getting strained under the struggle of wanting to help you and not knowing how and when you try to lean on them and they just make you feel this is truly a lonely battle.

Waters of Anxiety
Thoughts crushing thoughts
Drowning in the mind stream
Choking on the thought leaves
Fears racing
Panic rising
Clutching painfully on your heart
All your life lines seem spent
Nothing to grasp
Even the bad paths are closed to you
As you wail against the waves
Salty waters made deeper by salty tears
You know your not the only one over board
But they can't touch your plight
So you go on wailing and drowning

Well good to post anew. If any of you struggle I hope you know your know you're not alone, keep up the fight, and your fraking awesome. Have a good week, stay strong, and God bless you!

*Thrifty Geek*